Breaking the Cycle
by CaseyL
Summary: What happens after Rayna leaves Deacon by the side of the road. How will she move forward? Will she deal with their issues or will she run away?
1. Chapter 1

**I got the idea for this after reading Once Upon A Someday's wonderful Collisions. So thanks! I just wondered what the conversation was like with Tandy (who I assume was driving) after Rayna got back in the car after talking with Deacon. It's a bit of a therapy session. Not sure if this is a one shot or I'll continue it.**

##

Rayna climbed into her sister's SUV, shut the door and told her to drive. She trained her head straight ahead so she wouldn't look at him just standing there looking sullen and heartbroken by the side of the road.

"That was quick. Everything ok?" Tandy asked.

"Fine, I gave him back the ring. I told him it was over, over for good. I'm moving forward. Never to look back again."

Tandy laughed a little, and Rayna got a horrified look on her face.

"What are you laughing at?"

"Nothing, I'm just…Rayna, you are my baby sister, and more than anything I want you to be healthy and happy, and I do think that you're better off without Deacon Claybourne in your life, but not for one second do I believe that you two are over with."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence."

Rayna turned her head to look out the passenger's side window at the cookie cutter McMansions signaling that they were entering back into Belle Meade.

"It's really over with Tandy. This time it's different, I almost died! I can't go through this anymore. I can't put my kids through it."

Tandy looked over at her, then back at the road. "See, that's the funny thing, that you think that this is any different than previous times. This is the same thing Rayna. You two go through these cycles. You claim that the two of you are over with. You don't speak to him for a couple of weeks, a couple of months, then you just check on him to make sure he's ok, make sure he's still on the wagon. Then you see him and he's on the wagon, and you tell me how proud you are of him, that he's looking so good. That it really was better for the two of you to be apart. It's done wonders for him.

Then you start thinking what would it hurt to play a gig with him. You're just singing a song, he's just picking his guitar, there's tons of people around, it's not dangerous, there's no intimacy, but while you're there you start chatting, remembering how good it feels to talk to him, how he makes you laugh, how he understands you. Soon you're calling him up and meeting him by the river or in the park."

Rayna flashed a surprise look at Tandy.

"What? You think I don't know about that, after all these years. I'm your sister Rayna. I know he's whom you still run to."

Rayna was incensed, "Have you been having me followed?"

"Nothing like that, but people see things, they whisper. You're a fool if you think you'll ever hide anything in this town."

Rayna swallowed hard and turned back to the window.

"So you meet with him and it becomes comfortable, reliable, he's your rock. No harm being done. You're not together. He's doing so well, you're doing so well, why can't you just be friends?

Of course then there's the day that you're at the recording studio or at The Bluebird and he's telling you a story and you laugh and he puts his hand on yours, and it's a brief touch, but it's enough to start the slow burn again.

You start to fantasize about him, remember what it feels like when you're laying in his arms, the weight of his body on top of you, the taste of his lips. It consumes you and you think of nothing else for weeks. You try to deny it, but every time you see him it's there, and you know he's thinking the same thing. And then it happens, in a hotel room on the road, in a utility closet at Sound Check, a dressing room at the Opry, you're kissing and touching and tasting. Clothing is flying everywhere and you're thinking how have I lived without this for so long when it feels so right."

The tears start to come to Rayna's eyes as she thinks back to all the times that this very thing has happened, before she'd married Teddy, after the split, even variations of this during the 13-year marriage. Times she would barely admit to herself.

"You come to me and you tell me that it's different this time, that he's changed, you've changed, the two of you have changed. That you're so happy, and you _are_, you're on top of the world, and you ask me why I'm sad, why I can't be happy for you. I smile and say that I am, but you're right, I'm not, because I know that this is the high, the high before the fall, and soon he'll see a male friend put his arm around you, or he'll be jealous that you're spending more time with the record execs than with him, or he finds out that you've been lying to him, and the crash is so severe and so devastating, filled with slashed car tires, busted fists, wood from splintered furniture, crushed metal wreckage of a 20 year old SUV. You cry and you say it's over, that this is it, but it's not over, it's the beginning. It's never going to be over. Not until you admit that it never will be over with him and start dealing with it that way."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, as much as I hate hearing these words come out of my mouth, you have to accept that he's never not going to be in your life. I've never seen two people more tied together than the two of you. You don't need to find a way to live without him Rayna, you need to find a way to live with him. You need to break the cycle. You two need to learn how to communicate, how to work through your problems without exploding."

"He's the one that explodes Tandy, not me."

"Yeah, but you need to stop doing things to make him explode."

"That's ironic coming from the woman who talked me into keeping Maddie a secret from him."

"I know, and maybe me, and daddy, and Cole, maybe we're part of the problem. Maybe we have to realize that we'll never understand the two of you, and just let you be."

"Maybe you should. Maybe everyone should realize it's none of their business."

"I've talked to Bucky about this."

"You've done what?!"

"We care about you, and we want the best for you. So we've been trying to figure out where you guys go wrong."

"I thought you just told me you were butting out, how is this butting out?"

"Well, maybe just Cole and daddy should butt out."

Rayna gave her older sister and exasperated look. "Fine, tell me what sage advice you two have for me and Deacon."

"We both think that part of Deacon's problem is that he never feels like he's good enough for you, so he keeps doing things that reinforce that idea. He feels that way because he grew up with an alcoholic for a father who always told him he was no good, because he likes to beat himself up, but mostly he feels that way because you make him feel that way."

"What? I do not."

"Look at your history Rayna. I remember how the two of you were back in the day. He was always saying how you loved him much more than he deserved, and you were always saying yep, that's true."

Rayna felt attacked and lashed back. "I was joking when I said that. He knew that!"

"Maybe he did, and maybe he didn't, but you tell someone that enough and they start to believe it's true."

"No, you're twisting the facts. You're not in our relationship Tandy. I was saying that to tell him how much I loved him, not to make him feel like he wasn't worthy."

"Rayna, the man has followed you around like a puppy dog for over a decade. He stood by for nearly 14 years while you were married to someone else. Of course he doesn't feel good enough for you. You've always made it seem like you were doing him a favor by letting him stay, and the moment he messes up at all, like back in the day when he was drinking, or at the country club at Teddy's rally, or now when you'd just dropped huge news on him and he slipped up for a day what do you do? You leave him, you tell him he's not good enough for you."

"Why are you saying this to me? You know he almost got me killed."

"Rayna, you almost got yourself killed. I know he was drinking and distracting you, but you were the one driving, you were the sober one, you were the one who should have known better. Sometimes I wonder if after mom died I spoiled you too much. Made you think you could do no wrong. Maybe I protected you too much, didn't make you take responsibility when you messed up. Daddy and I would just come through and clean up any mess you got yourself into."

"I haven't asked you or daddy for anything for a long time. You know that, and I clean up my own messes."

"Yes, the ones you see, and I'm proud of you for that. But I think there are those you just don't want to see, and with those you're just living in denial. The problem with denial is just because you don't want to see it doesn't mean it's not there. If you want this cycle with Deacon to stop you're going to have to take some responsibility for your part in the cycle."

Tandy pulled into Rayna's driveway. "I don't want to talk about this anymore Tandy. I'm moving forward, without Deacon, and everyone just has to accept that. Including me."

Tandy sighed and leaned out the window as her sister climbed out of her car and started to head towards the house.

"Alright, but don't tell me I didn't warn you when the next explosion happens."

Tandy pulled away and Rayna stood in the driveway. She thought about what her sister said for a moment and then pushed it away. She was a new person, and no matter how strong the past was, it wasn't going to pull her back this time. She unlocked the door and entered back into the safety of her Belle Meade house, her fantasyland.


	2. Chapter 2

**I decided to do more vignettes rather than a straight story, so there will be some time jumps between chapters.**

##

It had been a few months since the accident and Rayna was playing a benefit concert that Luke Wheeler, another Edgehill artist was fronting. Despite both being superstars in the country arena Rayna hadn't seen Luke in years, but it was nice to chat with someone else from the good ole days who had made it big. Rayna spotted him heading her way during her sound check. She'd forgotten how cute he was. Tall, lean, a permanent Stetson propped on top of his head, killer boots. Rayna had loved her fling with Liam, but for her, there was nothing to get her blood racing like a real cowboy.

"Well howdy Rayna Jaymes. Aren't you a sight for sore eyes."

"You always were sweet around the ladies, weren't you Luke."

"Well, I've just always known a pretty thing when I've seen one. I call a spade a spade."

Rayna laughed, "You haven't changed a bit, you know that?"

"Well, I think we've come a long way from the days that you and Deacon and I used to play open mic nights at the Bluebird. Well, at least you and I have. How's Deacon these days?"

Rayna shifted uncomfortably, she really didn't want to discuss Deacon with Luke.

"I wouldn't know, I haven't really seen him that much lately."

"Since the accident? I'd heard rumors you guys were back together. Not true?"

Rayna wasn't sure what to say. Luke was an old friend, and she didn't want to lie, but this wasn't the time for the whole messy story.

"Nope, not true. You can't believe every rumor you hear these days Luke. Like the one about you and those twins in Atlanta."

"Oh darlin', who told you that wasn't true?" Luke laughed and the two of them smiled at each other. They had a very nice rapport. Rayna loved how she could be herself with Luke. He knew her back when, but he also understood what it's like to be a star and all the pressure that comes along with it.

"It's great that you do these benefits, raising money for cancer research. It's real important stuff."

"Yeah, well, if I'm going to be a celebrity, I might as well use it for more than selling singles on itunes and concert tickets."

"Well it's nice to see someone else who thinks giving back means something more than signing autographs at the mall."

"Hey, I got to go meet with some sponsors, but why don't we grab dinner later this week. It would be great to have a proper catch up."

"I'd like that."

"It's a date then."

##

Tandy stopped by the Belle Meade mansion to find Rayna moving around her house in a flurry. Dresses were flying left and right, make up was strewn out on the counter, and there was a line up of both cowboy boots and pumps next to her mirror.

"What is going on here Rayna? You'd think you were preparing to sing for the President."

"I have a date with Luke Wheeler."

"The singer?"

"Yes the singer."

"Rayna, I thought you were going to take some time for yourself, to sort things out."

"I am sortin' things out, but that doesn't mean I can't have some fun while I'm doing it."

"I know that babe, but don't you think you should try being single for a while? I mean, you just got out of a 14-year marriage, then had a devastating break up with someone who you've called the love of your life on more than one occasion. Maybe you should take 6 months and just be on your own."

Rayna ignored Tandy and continued holding shirts and dresses up in front of herself. "I'm fine Tandy. No reason to sit in the stockyard all penned up by myself. I am living my life for me these days, and if that means having some fun with Luke, then that's what I'm going to do."

"I just feel like you're not dealing with any of your issues Rayna."

"I don't have any issues Tandy. What I have is a new lease on life, and a date with a brutally hot cowboy. He's a real man. He's talented, he's sexy, and most importantly, he can handle his liquor."

"So basically he's Deacon without the addiction problem?"

Rayna flashed Tandy a dirty look as she slipped a sparkly shirt over her head.

"I'm going to ignore that you said that." Rayna spun around so that she was facing Tandy. "How do I look?"

"Stunning as always babe."

Rayna went into the living room and grabbed her purse. "Great, Luke's picking me up in five. Try not to be rude when he gets here."

"Rude? Have I ever been rude to one of your dates?"

"Remember that time in high school when you told Billy Cowen that his haircut made him look like a seagull."

Tandy shrugged. "Well, it did. And that was high school. We're in our 40s now."

"I know, and I haven't really dated someone new since high school, well except for Teddy, but you introduced me to him, so cut me some slack okay?"

Tandy threw up her hands, "I promise I'll be good."

When Luke arrived he was the perfect gentleman, showing up with flowers, opening Rayna's door for her. Tandy just stood back and watched. Luke was certainly very charming, but she was pretty sure he was exactly the opposite of what Rayna needed right now.


	3. Chapter 3

**I've decided to base basic chapter story ideas on the press releases for upcoming episodes, so if you avoid things like that this isn't the story for you. This one comes from the chapter 6 press release that mentions the polo tournament.**

##

Rayna and Tandy strolled through the polo grounds being careful to avoid any of the Belle Meaders who once claimed to be friends with their father, but had disappeared into thin air since the tax evasion indictment.

"Remind me why we came to this thing?" Tandy asked.

"I thought maybe I could find some funding for Highway 65."

"You're still thinking about leaving Edgehill?"

"I just don't want to be beholden to Jeff Fordham anymore. His idea for the future of Edgehill and Highway 65 just doesn't mesh with mine, and frankly I don't trust him."

"I don't trust anyone, but that's after years of working with daddy."

Rayna was just about to respond when she spotted him. Dressed in a well-cut Italian suit with a light blue tie, she almost didn't recognize him. The Lucchese boots sticking out of the pants were the only thing that seemed like Deacon. She froze in her tracks and just watched him standing by the side of the bleachers with what she hoped was a water in his hands. She hadn't really talked to him in over two months at this point except for the brief visit when Maddie was missing. She was trying her hardest not to have thoughts of him wander into her conscious. Luke was doing a good job of keeping the Deacon daydreams at bay, but some days, like when she heard her daughters sing his songs, it was a losing battle.

Tandy had been chatting away, and only stopped when she noticed that Rayna was no longer listening to her. She followed Rayna's line of sight and quickly ascertained what was distracting her sister.

"What's he doing here? A polo match with Belle Meaders? Doesn't really seem like his kind of event."

"I'm not sure. He looks weird. Doesn't he look weird?"

"I don't know Rayna, he looks like Deacon to me. Just Deacon all dressed up. Why don't you go over and ask him?"

"What? No, I'm not going to do that."

"Why not? You know you want to. Rayna, you can't keep avoiding him forever. He's Maddie's father. Eventually she's going to want to spend time with him. You can't just pretend like he doesn't exist, that's not healthy."

Rayna had barely been listening to Tandy. She was still staring at Deacon, running scenarios of what she'd say to him in her head. "I'm going to go talk to him. I can't avoid him forever."

Tandy laughed, "great, glad you came to that decision all on your own."

Rayna walked over to where Deacon was standing. As she got closer she noticed he seemed a little out of his element.

"Hey."

She startled him and he turned to look at her, pausing for a second and then responding in kind. "Hey Rayna."

"What are you doing here? I never thought polo was your sport. You always refused to go to these things when Daddy would want us to come all those years ago." Rayna gave him an uncomfortable smile.

Deacon looked back at her, she expected to still see the sad look in his eye that was there when she left him on the road by the memorial, but he seemed calm, almost at peace.

"Well, it's amazing what you'll do when you fall hopelessly in love with someone."

Rayna tried not to react, but it felt like someone had knocked her out with a wrecking ball. Did he just say love? How could he be in love, it had only been a few months, they'd barely broken up. When she saw that girl in his house she assumed she was a rebound like Liam, not a "hopelessly in love." She tried to collect herself. Why did she care? She had ended things with him, for good, and she'd meant it. She should be happy for him that he found someone to love. But deep down she knew that just because she was telling herself she didn't care didn't make it so.

"Love? Really. You're seeing someone? Someone who comes to polo tournaments?"

"Yeah, her name is Megan. You met her at my house the day Maddie ran away. She's a lawyer, and she doesn't just come to polo tournaments, she's playing in it."

Deacon pointed towards Megan expertly steering her horse through all the men on the course.

"Impressive." Rayna managed to get out.

"Well, she's not Luke Wheeler, but not all of us can date multi-platinum superstars. "

"How did you know I was seeing Luke?"

"I ran into him over there." Deacon cocked his head towards the bar area. "You know we go way back, he just wanted to make sure he wasn't stepping on toes."

"What'd you tell him?"

"I told him that you can date whomever you want to date. We're saving _ourselves_ these days. Isn't that how you wanted it?"

Rayna had to admit that it stung hearing him throw her words back in her face like that. She stammered a little and Deacon cut her off before she could make a retort.

"You can date who you want Ray, I'm just a little surprised you chose Luke."

"Why?"

"Well, I know it's been a while, but let's just say Luke had some interesting ideas about women that might not mesh so well with yours."

"Luke's a perfect gentleman. What kind of ideas?"

"I'm sure he is, and like I said it was a long time ago, but he's just a little old fashioned that's all."

"You're old fashioned."

Deacon hesitated, "Yeah, but not in the same way he is. Listen, I'm not trying to throw a wrench in your romance. If he makes you happy, that's all that matters."

"He does make me happy."

"Then that's great." Deacon turned back towards the polo grounds.

Rayna hesitated for a second, not sure she should say anything, but then she went for it anyway thinking of Tandy's comment earlier.

"Maddie's been asking about you."

Deacon shifted on his boots and looked down at the ground before looking back up at Rayna. "Has she?"

"I think she might want to see you."

"What do you want?"

"I just want her to be happy."

Rayna could tell that Deacon was thinking something through.

"I want to see her, but I have to admit, I'm a little scared."

"Why?"

"What if she's disappointed? What if I don't live up to her expectations, what if I hurt her?"

"Deacon, she's known you since she was born, none of those things are going to happen."

"Then why'd you wait so long to tell me about her being mine?"

Rayna wasn't prepared for that comment, and she hesitated for a beat before answering. "I don't know. You make decisions that seem right at the time, and then you just find yourself trapped by them. I never meant to hurt you Deacon. I just wanted to protect Maddie, and then I wanted to protect the world that I'd created for her. In retrospect maybe it wasn't the best decision, but then again, hindsight is always 20/20."

"You don't need to explain Ray. It doesn't really matter anymore I guess." He looked back over at Rayna studying her face. "I want to do what's best for her too. If she wants to see me, tell her she can give me a call whenever she wants."

Rayna smiled at Deacon warmly. No matter what else was going on, she had to admit it was nice to talk to him again.

"I'll tell her. I should get back to Tandy before she gets swallowed up by the little gray haired ladies."

"I should be watching Megan anyway. Talk to you later Ray."

Deacon turned back towards the field and Rayna returned to Tandy.

"What's wrong? You seem flustered?"

"Nothing's wrong. It went fine. You'd be proud of me. We talked about Maddie. He's going to see her if she wants."

"That's all good, then why do you seem out of sorts? What's he doing here anyway?"

"He's here with Megan." Rayna tried not to, but she said Megan's name with an edge that Tandy definitely picked up.

"Who's Megan?"

Rayna pointed to the girl on the horse. "That one."

"Oh, pretty. Now I see why you're flustered."

"He's says he's in love."

"Maybe he is. What does that matter to you?" Tandy said sarcastically.

"It doesn't. I just think it's awful quick. I mean, if he is going to be in Maddie's life, I don't want her to have to deal with another new parent figure, especially after the Teddy/Peggy fiasco."

"Uh huh. Why can't you just admit that you're jealous?"

"I'm not jealous. He's the one that seemed jealous, trying to tell me that Luke and I weren't a good match."

"You told him about Luke? Rayna, what did I tell you about trying to make him jealous?"

"No, Luke told him. It doesn't matter, like I said, he's _in love_ with Megan."

"Oh babe, here you go again."

"What are you talking about?"

Tandy shook her head. "Nothing." She wrapped her arm through Rayna's and escorted her towards a crowd of Belle Meade's wealthiest. "Let's go get some money for that label of yours."


	4. Chapter 4

Rayna sat at her kitchen table pouring over photos of Scarlett for her press materials when Maddie came home from school.

"Hey Hon, how was your day?"

"Boring, we have to do some report about the Middle Ages, and I can't decide on a topic that I'm interested in. I'd rather just be working on my guitar playing."

"Why don't you combine the two? You could write a report about a Middle Ages instrument like the lute, and then compose a song that maybe you could play on one."

Maddie's face lit up. "That's a great idea mom. Do you think Deacon knows how to play a lute?"

Rayna laughed, "Deacon could play anything with strings, well he used to be able to."

"Do you think he'd give me some guitar lessons? I'd love to learn how to play some more complicated songs, and I know you're not going to be able to teach me," Maddie teased.

"Hey, my guitar playing isn't that bad, but yeah, Deacon is a better bet. Why don't you call him up and ask. I'm sure he'd love to."

Maddie grabbed her phone then paused a second. "I don't have his number."

"Here," Rayna took Maddie's phone and programmed his number into her contacts. "Now you'll always have it."

Maddie pressed send and waited for him to answer. She was a little nervous waiting for him to pick up.

"Hello."

"Hey Deacon, it's Maddie."

"Hey Darlin' I'm glad you called. Is this your number?"

"Yeah."

"Great, I'm glad I have it now. You doing okay? Is everything alright?"

"Oh yeah, it's fine, I just, well…I was wondering if maybe you'd want to give me some guitar lessons sometime?"

"Well, I'm not the same as I used to be on the guitar, but there's no reason I can't help you out. When would you want to come over?"

"I could come tonight," Maddie said hopefully.

"I'm playing a song tonight at open mic night at The Bluebird with Scarlett. Actually, why don't you and your mamma come. I'd love it if the two of you were there."

"Really? That would be great! What time?"

"8:00."

"Let me ask mom?"

Maddie covered the phone and turned to Rayna.

"Ask mom what?" Rayna asked.

"Deacon and Scarlett are playing at the Bluebird tonight at 8:00. Can we go? Please!"

"It's a school night Maddie."

"I know, but I never get to see him play."

Rayna wasn't sure that she was ready to introduce her daughter to the life of hanging around clubs at night listening and playing music, but she had to accept that Maddie was growing up, and truthfully she kind of wanted to see what Deacon was up to musically since the accident.

"Ok sweetheart, we'll go."

Maddie uncovered the phone and replied to Deacon, nearly bouncing off the walls. "Mom says we'll come!"

"Great, I'll save a table for you right by the front, okay?"

"Okay."

"See you tonight."

"Bye."

##

Later that night Rayna and Maddie were in her SUV driving to The Bluebird. They'd left Daphne at home with Tandy.

"Can't you go any faster mom? We're going to miss the start."

"I'm going the speed limit Maddie, we'll be fine. It's five till eight."

Rayna pulled into the parking lot and Maddie nearly jumped out of the car. The pair walked into the venue and spotted their table in the front just as the announcer was bringing Deacon and Scarlett onto the stage.

"This is a pair that's close to the heart of The Bluebird. One of our best long-running artists, and his niece who started off as a waitress here. Let's give a warm welcome to Deacon Claybourne and Scarlett O'Connor."

The crowd clapped and Deacon scanned the audience until he saw Maddie and Rayna, giving the younger girl a big grin. Then he looked at Scarlett and smiled.

"Scarlett and I wrote this song together after we'd both had a rough day," Deacon said.

"A rough month," Scarlett replied.

Deacon laughed a little, "yeah, a rough month."

Then they launched into a beautiful rendition of _This Town_ with Deacon on Piano and Scarlett on guitar.

Maddie turned to Rayna. "I didn't know he played the piano too?"

"Yep, like I said, there isn't anything that Deacon can't play."

The two sat mesmerized. Rayna couldn't remember the last time she saw him up there playing. She guessed it was when they'd sung _No One Will Ever Love You_ the previous year. Things had changed so much since then. Truth be told, she'd forgotten how good he was on piano. She remembered when they used to live together and they'd stay up all night at the piano playing duets together, singing and writing, their hands playing in sync creating some of the most beautiful music Rayna had ever heard. In that moment her heart ached. She almost couldn't believe that they'd never do that together again, that he'd never hold her in his arms, she'd never taste his lips. She tried to push the thought out of her mind.

She thought of Luke and how he'd sent flowers to her house that morning with a note that said "Just because you're mine." That's where she needed to be concentrating she thought, her future, not her past, but watching Deacon up there, the sense of loss continued to gnaw at her soul.

Rayna scanned the room to see if Megan was around, and was secretly pleased that she didn't see the woman anywhere in the venue. When they finished the song the audience went wild. Rayna and Maddie clapped, and Deacon gave Maddie another smile. Then the pair came off of the stage and headed to Rayna and Maddie's table.

"How'd you like it?" Deacon asked.

"It was so good!" Maddie replied.

Deacon was beaming, he hadn't realized how proud he'd feel hearing that his daughter enjoyed his song.

Scarlett said hello, then started to excuse herself. "I'm going to go say hi to Tom."

"Can I come with you?" Maddie asked.

"Sure, if it's ok with your mamma."

Rayna looked at the two of them unsure whether or not to let her daughter go, then she relaxed. "Alright, but stay with your cousin okay?"

"I will!"

Scarlett and Maddie headed to the back of the venue and Deacon sat down at Rayna's table.

"That was real nice Deacon. I'm glad you took my advice and kept with the music."

"Well, you were right, I couldn't stay away for long, it's who I am. All of us have things in our life that even if we try to keep away from them, they're so much a part of us that we'll always find our way back."

Rayna felt butterflies in her stomach. She wasn't sure if Deacon was talking about the music or about them, but then again, the two were so entwined in her mind that it didn't really matter which he'd meant.

She tentatively reached out and put her hand over his. It was the first time they'd touched since he'd wiped the blood away from her face after the accident, and truthfully, that was so foggy she didn't really remember it.

He clutched his fingers around hers in return and the pair stared into each other's eyes for a brief moment. Rayna was feeling that familiar electric pull when all of a sudden Maddie and Scarlett returned to the table. Rayna quickly took her hand back from Deacon as Maddie began to speak.

"It's so cool back there mom. Tom said that I could start playing here whenever I wanted to."

"Hold on, let's wait a year or two before you're playing venues, you hear me?"

"Come on mom, I'm old enough to play."

"Well, we'll discuss that at home. Now, it's a school night, it's time to head out."

Maddie looked disappointed, but she grabbed her bag and followed her mom from the table. She started to walk away then turned around and gave Deacon a hug. He wrapped his arms around the girl squeezing her tight. Then she pulled away. "I'll see you this weekend for the guitar lesson?"

"Yep, I wouldn't miss it." They both smiled at each other and Maddie turned to head out the door.

Rayna started to turn but looked up at Deacon one more time. "You really were wonderful tonight. I'll see you soon."

Then she turned around and followed Maddie out the door.


	5. Chapter 5

**They announced the title for episode 209 is "I'm Tired of Pretending" the Kitty Wells song, which got me thinking that it definitely applied to Rayna for this story. If you don't know the song lyrics you should look them up, it's all about being tired of pretending you're not still in love with someone.**

**##**

_Rayna lay in bed looking at the light pouring through the window. Suddenly she felt strong hands calloused from years of playing guitar wrap around her body from behind, slowly sliding over her stomach and running through her hair. She breathed in his scent as the heat of his lips left a trail down her neck and onto her shoulder. Rayna turned around in is arms pulling him on top of her and devouring his mouth with her own as the familiar weight of his body sent waves of ecstasy down through her core. She pulled back a little moaning his name against his lips…"Oh Deacon."_

Just as he was about to slip inside her the phone rang and Rayna startled awake. She looked around for the phone and caught a glimpse of Luke sleeping beside her before spotting her pink case on the bedside table. She picked it up and read the name "Bucky" on the screen and decided that he could wait. She lay back in her bed looking up at the ceiling. She felt guilty thinking about Deacon while lying next to Luke, but it didn't seem to be something she could control anymore. She considered that maybe that was a sign that she wasn't ready for whatever "this" was with Luke, but she put it out of her mind as she hopped out of bed and into the shower without waking her sleeping companion.

By the time she got out and got dressed Luke was in the kitchen making some coffee.

"Hey Darlin', do you mind making me some eggs, I'm mighty hungry after last night."

"You have two hands you know, you could have made them yourself."

"Yeah, but they taste so much better when they come from my woman's loving hands." Luke flashed her his thousand-watt smile that always seemed to melt the hearts of adoring fans, but Rayna was having none of it this morning.

"I wish I could, but I have to call Bucky back, and then I have a meeting with Jeff later today that I have to prepare for."

Luke looked disappointed and slightly annoyed. "I should go anyway, I'm working on a new album and I'm supposed to meet a new producer at 10:00."

He walked over and kissed Rayna. She felt a little uneasy, still slightly enveloped in the morning's dream but she kissed him back.

"See you later?" she asked.

"You know it."

As Luke left Rayna picked up her phone to call Bucky. By time the call ended Tandy was wandering in the door.

"Hey babe, how are you this morning?"

"What are you doing here Tandy? I thought you had to go down to the courthouse to talk with Daddy's attorney."

"It's been postponed until tomorrow, and frankly I'm glad. I need another day to prepare. I saw that man candy pulling out of your driveway. Things are getting serious with you two?"

Rayna shrugged listlessly. "I don't know, I guess."

"What's wrong? I know that look."

"It's nothing, it's just, well, I feel a little guilty. I was in bed with Luke this morning, and let's just say that it wasn't him that was getting me all hot and bothered in my mind."

Tandy's eyes widened, "Oh, we're at that phase now."

"What phase?"

"You know, when you start thinking of _him_ again, when no matter what you do you can't get him out of your mind."

Rayna hated how her sister could read her so well. "It's only been the last few weeks, since Maddie and I went to see he and Scarlett play at The Bluebird."

"Let me guess, you had this moment and you remembered all the wonderful times you guys had together, all the music and the fun, and the lovemaking."

"Don't make fun Tandy, I'm not that predictable."

"Yes you are, but I'm not judging. So what are you going to do about it? You're breaking up with Luke?"

"There's nothing to do. No matter how hard we try, no matter how much we want it, we just don't work. Plus he's with Megan, and Maddie says they're practically living together. There's no reason to break up with Luke, if nothing else he's a good distraction."

"So Maddie's been spending time with Deacon?"

"Yeah, he's been giving her guitar lessons, and they've been writing together. They wrote this sweet song that the two of them played for me last time I went to pick her up." Rayna got this far away look in her eyes. "Seeing them together, like that, I almost started to cry. When Teddy and I used to look at her and be proud it was nice, but when I look at her with Deacon I know we created her out of our love for one another, and there's no other feeling like that in the world."

"Oh babe, this is going to be so much worse isn't it?"

"What do you mean?"

"Now he's not just your best friend and the love of your life, now he's the father of your child."

"He's always been the father of my child."

"Yes, but he wasn't acting like it since he didn't know. Now you get to see the fantasy, the one you'd been dreaming about for the last 14 years, what would have happened if you'd waited for him, if you hadn't married Teddy, if it had been the two of you raising Maddie like you'd always wanted. You see how good he is with her, how happy he makes her, and she makes him, and it makes you love him in a whole other way than the passion and the fire you've always felt for him."

Rayna knew she was right, she couldn't deny the recent feelings that were invading her thoughts every time she saw him. She was supposed to be separating herself from him, putting him behind her, she didn't think it was possible, but instead, she felt closer to him than ever before.

"I knew it was going to be a struggle letting go of him, but I just didn't think it was going to be this hard."

"You've been in love with him for over 25 years Rayna, you stuck with him when he destroyed all the furniture in your apartment, when he got wasted and threw up on your shoes during a concert, what made you think this accident was going to change anything? Especially now that the two of you are raising a daughter together."

Rayna sighed. She busied herself cleaning up the coffee cup Luke left behind.

"I can't deal with this right now Tandy. I have to concentrate on this meeting I'm supposed to have with Jeff later today. I'm trying to figure out how I'm getting away from Edgehill now that Daddy's money isn't an option."

"You're going to have to deal with it sometime Rayna, you can't ignore it forever. And it's better to do it now than when it's too late and he's really moved on."

Rayna couldn't believe she was back here. When she'd ended things with Deacon a few months ago, told him it was over for good she'd really meant it, but now she wasn't sure of anything anymore. She realized Deacon was right, no matter how hard you try to fight it, there are some things in life that are such a big part of you that there's no letting go, and for her, Deacon Claybourne was that thing.


	6. Chapter 6

_I thought I'd branch out a little for this chapter to some of the other characters to do some set up, but still mostly a Rayna story._

##

Scarlett was getting ready for her first concert as the opening act on Luke's tour. She was going through her pink overnight bag when Rayna walked into the costume room at Edgehill.

"How you doing honey? Are you ready for tonight?"

Scarlett picked up tight dresses covered in sequins and rhinestone as if they were alien objects. Rayna could tell that she looked overwhelmed.

"I really don't have any idea what I'm doing here. Which one am I supposed to wear?"

"Whichever one you want. There's three so that you have a choice when you get to Houston. You're going to have so much fun. I remember my first arena tour. Twenty-thousand people out in the audience swaying back and forth, singing along with your songs."

"Weren't you nervous at all?" Scarlett asked.

"Sure, I was shaking like a leaf the first time I went out there, but once I heard your uncle's guitar beside me and I started singing, everything just came together and all the nerves went away. I'm sure that's how it'll be for you too."

Scarlett hoped that Rayna was right, but the butterflies in her stomach felt like they were part of a marching band playing _Stars and Stripes Forever_.

"I've got to go see Luke, but I'll see you on the plane, ok?"

As Rayna opened the door to exit Layla brushed past her and into the dressing room. She headed over to the clothing rack and pulled out a silver dress covered in rhinestones that hugged her curves in all the right places. Scarlett watched as the girl threw things into her bag with ease.

"You heading out on the road too?"

"Yeah, first stop with Juliette is in Tallahassee. The bus is leaving in 10."

"God, you don't seem nervous at all."

"Well, it's just fifteen or twenty thousand people. When I was on American Hitmaker 5 million people were watching me every week, but I could see how you'd be nervous, I mean, what if you forget the words, or you're sharp. Those fans will just eat you alive. There's nothing like an angry mob at a concert. I heard that back in the 70s people used to throw things at the stage if they didn't like a singer!"

"Wow, that's awful."

"I'm sure that won't happen to you though." Layla smiled and walked out the door leaving Scarlett sitting on the floor in a pile of shiny costumes.

##

Eight hours later Scarlett was standing in her dressing room in Houston with Rayna once again beside her. She was fixing a wave in Scarlett's hair when Deacon walked in.

"How's my favorite niece? Ready for your big night?"

Scarlett gave him a queasy look that screamed get me out of here.

"Hey," Deacon comforted. "You'll be fine. I don't know anyone who has a voice as pretty as yours."

"Hey!" Rayna objected.

Deacon laughed, "Sorry, I'm just partial cause she's my family. I'm sure I'd say the same to you if you were my family."

Rayna felt a tightening in her chest, she'd always thought of Deacon as family, thought that he felt the same way. Had things changed that much between them in the last few months?

Just then one of the handlers came in to escort Scarlett out on stage. Deacon and Rayna followed.

"Well, this is it." Scarlett grabbed her banjo and walked out on stage. Rayna settled in next to Luke, and Deacon stood off to the side. Scarlett looked out into the sea of darkened faces and tried to pretend that she was back home playing at the Bluebird, but when she opened her mouth nothing came out. The band repeated her cue three times, but the girl just stood there like a scared little bird.

Rayna looked panicked. She was trying to get Scarlett's attention, calm the girl, and encourage her to start singing, but she couldn't catch her eye.

"What the hell is going on here Rayna?" Luke boomed. "This little girl is messing up my tour!"

"She's going to be fine Luke, she just needs a second to get her bearings."

Luke shook his head. "This is what happens when a woman does a man's job."

"Excuse me?!" Rayna shot back.

"You're picking artists with your heart, not with your head. That's why you're label will never be successful Rayna. You're not a businessman, and you shouldn't be messing around with things you don't know about."

Rayna was floored. She looked back at Luke with utter shock and disgust. Just as she was about to reply she felt a whoosh of air from someone flying by her. She looked up and saw that it was Deacon. He grabbed a guitar from the side of the stage, strapped it around his neck and headed out to the center. When he got there he took Scarlett's hand in his. He could feel her pulse beating all the way from her chest into her palm.

He leaned over and whispered in her ear. "Just follow me. Everything's going to be fine."

Deacon started playing the first few chords to her song and flashed a warm smile at the girl. Scarlett looked at him, returning his smile, then she turned back to the audience and began to sing.

Off-stage Rayna watched as disaster was averted, and smiled to herself. She'd forgotten how great he could be in stressful circumstances. He really was everyone's knight in shining amour. But right then and there, he felt like only hers. He may have been doing it for Scarlett, but he'd rescued her as well.

Rayna turned to Luke and smiled the most delicious smile ever. "See, it's fine. I told you she just needed a second. No need to stomp around making a fuss over nothing like a little boy." Then she cocked her head towards the stage towards Deacon. "Real men solve problems, they don't create them."

"That's funny," Luke responded. "I'd always heard that real men could handle their liquor."

'You know what," Rayna said with a look that could have frozen a thousand lakes of bubbling lava. "I think we're done here."

She turned on her heels and walked over to the edge of the stage watching the rest of Scarlett's set unfold beautifully. Just like she'd said, people were swaying and singing along to the music, and despite his busted hand Deacon was backing her up the whole way through.

##

Two hours later Rayna was weaving her way through the after party at the hotel. She was bragging about Scarlett to all the execs who were there, but her eyes kept darting around the room looking for the faded jeans and the plaid button down. She spotted Scarlett in the corner talking with a journalist from Rolling Stone. She walked up beside her smiling at the reporter.

"Wasn't she just wonderful tonight?" Then she turned to Scarlett. "Hey, have you seen your uncle? I wanted to talk to him about maybe helping you out again tomorrow night."

Scarlett was a little flustered from all the attention but she turned to Rayna for a moment. "Um, I think I heard him say that he was tired and he went up to his room. 336."

"Thanks honey."

Rayna headed for the elevator. She wasn't sure what she was going to say when she got there, but she knew that she had to talk to him tonight. She stopped in front of his door feeling her own nerves start to get the best of her. She took a deep breath and knocked. She was breathing so hard she almost didn't hear him say "Hold on a sec." But then all of a sudden he was opening the door. He was standing there in a dark blue cotton t-shirt that hugged the contours of his muscular body. In his hand was a towel filled with ice. Rayna looked down and her eyes flashed up at him with recognition of the situation.

"Are you okay? Did that hurt your hand that much?"

"I'm alright, it's just not used to being used in that manner these days, and the tendons are just a little sore."

Rayna walked into the room and Deacon shut the door behind her. They both sat down on the edge of his bed.

"Well I was going to ask you if you'd help Scarlett out tomorrow too, but maybe that's not the best idea."

"Nah, I'll be fine. Whatever Scarlett wants. If she needs me I'll play. If she feels like she can do it without me, than well, I'm fine sitting in the cheap seats as well."

Rayna smiled sweetly at him. "You're a great uncle. I can't believe you came to her rescue like that. You didn't even know if you were going to be able to play the guitar."

"Well, Scarlett's my flesh and blood. I'd do anything for my family." Deacon paused a second and looked into Rayna's eyes. "And that goes for Maddie and you too. You know that right?"

Rayna's heart started to beat hard in her chest and her breathing became labored. She barely whispered her next sentence still staring into Deacon's eyes. "Yeah, I know that." They were so close, closer than they'd been in months. She could feel the heat radiating between them. She reached up and stroked his stubbled face with her fingers. Deacon sat motionless, still clutching the ice to his injured left hand. She inched closer to him her lips just millimeters away from his, so close she could feel his warm breath beckoning her to make the inevitable connection. The moment their lips touched it was like fire and chocolate and heaven all in one. Rayna reached around pulling his head closer to hers. She heard Deacon moan with satisfaction as his mouth reached out greedily sucking on her bottom lip. Neither one noticed the ice spilling onto their feet as Deacon dropped the towel that had been housing the cubes. He reached his hands up into her hair tangling himself in every glorious red strand while searching every corner of her mouth with his tongue.

Then as quickly as it began it stopped. Rayna was startled when Deacon pushed her away and stood up pacing the room. "We can't do this Rayna, I'm with Megan."

"I know, but I made a mistake Deacon. After the accident. I was so lost, I didn't know who I was anymore, with the coma and not being able to sing. I made a mistake. I should have never let us go."

Deacon turned to look at her. Rayna was expecting to see love and relief in his eyes, but all she saw was confusion and hurt. "You broke up with me Rayna. I needed you and you left me standing by the side of the road. You know how much it took me to forgive you for Maddie, to get past that and reach out to you? And what did you do? You broke my heart, again!"

By this point tears were streaming down both Deacon and Rayna's faces.

"You gave me back my ring. Why did you do that? I didn't even know you still had it. You know how much that hurt?"

Rayna stood up reaching for Deacon desperately, but he pulled away. "I'm so sorry Babe. I never meant to hurt you. I honestly thought I was doing what was right for both of us, but now I see how wrong I was. I love you, I need you."

Deacon had been yelling by the end of his last statement, but now he took a deep breath trying to get a hold of himself and quieted his voice. He looked down at his shoes shaking his head, then back up at Rayna.

"You can't keep doing this to me Ray. I'm not a toy, and if there's anything I've learned in the last few months since the accident it's that I deserve better."

"I know you do, and I'm sorry. You're so wonderful. I'm so lucky to have you in my life. I know that."

"Every time Rayna, every time I start to build a life for myself. Every time I find someone who I think I could really love, have a family with, a real life you swoop in and just have to have me back, and I go back, because I love you, because you're the love of my life, and I've never experienced anything as wonderful as being in your arms. And everything is great and we're so happy, and so in love, and I'm on top of the world, but then I do something wrong, and I'm not good enough, and you break my heart all over again. Not this time Ray. I can't go through it again. I can't take another broken heart. It'll kill me."

"I don't want to break your heart. I want you, forever, just you." Rayna looked at Deacon's face searching for some sign that he'd given in, that she could rush over to him and take him in her arms, run her hands under the cotton of his shirt and bury herself in his warmth, but he just looked beaten and tired.

"I can't Ray, I just can't. I'm with Megan, and it's working. She's seen me at my worst, right after the accident, and she loves me no matter what. That's what I need. I can't take a chance again. I'm getting too old for this. I want a life, a family."

"I am your family. Maddie and I, we're you family. Didn't you just say that? Don't you want to be with us?"

"Don't do that Ray, that's dirty. Don't use Maddie. I love Maddie, and I am going to be in her life no matter what. I will always be there when she needs me, but that doesn't mean we have to be together."

Deacon walked over and took Rayna's hands in his own. She looked up at him with pleading eyes. "I love you Ray, but you were right, we just cause each other too much grief, we're better as friends."

Rayna wasn't sure what to say, she was speechless. It never even occurred to her that he wouldn't take her back, that it wasn't up to her.

"I think you should go. I need to get some sleep. I'll see you tomorrow at the concert."

Deacon opened his door and Rayna slowly walked out into the hallway turning to watch him as he closed the door on her.


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks everyone for all the great reviews. Much appreciated! Hope I didn't depress anyone too much with the last chapter. I promise it will get cheerier eventually.**

##

Rayna rolled her suitcase in the door and fell into the plushness of her couch. It had been a long weekend and she was exhausted. Tandy came downstairs after making sure that Daphne was safely tucked in bed.

"Hey Babe, you're back!"

She took a look at Rayna and immediately her demeanor changed.

"I saw the reports on the concert, they said everything went well, so what's wrong?"

Rayna looked up at her sister, she knew despite the turmoil in her family she was lucky to have such a good friend in Tandy, and hoped that Daphne and Maddie felt the same way about each other when they were all grown up.

"I took your advice, I talked to Deacon."

"And?"

Rayna shook her head and tears started to form in her eyes. "It's not going to work, I'm too late."

Tandy sat down on the couch and put her arm around Rayna. "What do you mean?"

"I told him I loved him, that I'd made a mistake, that I want him back, but he wants to stay with Megan, he says I hurt him too much. He can't take another chance on me."

"Wow, that's a surprise. I never figured Deacon for the one to break that endless cycle you guys have been in. I guess the accident really was a wake up call for him."

Rayna broke down into a full cry. "I don't know what to do, I can't believe I've really lost him, that I'm going to have to live the rest of my life without him."

Tandy shook her head. "Really? You're just giving up that easy?"

"Tandy, you didn't see how upset he was. He told me that he was done giving me chances, that he wanted to start a family with _her_, with Megan."

"Has he asked her to marry him?"

"I don't think so, not yet."

"Then it's not too late. Listen Rayna, if you really love him, if you're sure that he's what you want, and not just the good times when you're playing music and making love, but the bad times when his temper flares up, when he's stubborn and won't listen to anyone, when he's not sure of how to handle a situation and you're afraid he's going to take a drink, if you're ready to really commit to all that then show him that. Show him that you'll be there for him no matter what. Show him that you won't abandon him, that your love for him goes beyond what little girls read about in their fairytales. But you have to be sure that's what you want, because if you win him back and you break his heart again, I can't even imagine what the fall out would be like next time."

Just then Maddie and Daphne rushed down the stairs.

"Mom!" yelled Daphne.

"I thought you ladies were in bed," Tandy started.

"We were," Maddie explained, "but we heard mom's voice."

Rayna beckoned the girls to come sit with her on the couch. "Well, I'm glad you're up."

Maddie looked at Rayna and could tell she'd been crying. "What's wrong mom, is everything okay?"

"It's fine, I've just missed you girls so much. I'm so glad I have the two of you." Rayna hugged them close kissing the top of Maddie's head. "You girls are the best things I've ever done."

"Gosh mom," Maddie sighed "You're so lame."

"Lame? If I'm so lame why did I bring y'all back gifts from Houston?"

Daphne jumped up and down. "Ooh gifts, what did you get us?"

"Well it's nearly 11:00 so let's go upstairs into your rooms and I'll show you."

The girls started to run upstairs and Rayna got up to follow, but she turned to Tandy first.

"I don't know Tandy. I look at those girls and I know I'm so lucky for everything I've got, but there's just something missing, and I really feel like he's that missing piece."

"Well then Babe, you know what you have to do."

Rayna heard the kids scream mom and she ran up after them.

"I'm coming!"

##

Rayna pulled her SUV up outside of Deacon's house. She sat in the car a few minutes contemplating what to say, then she briskly crossed the street and knocked on his door.

He opened it up joining her outside on the porch rather than letting her in. Rayna wondered if Megan was inside and that's why he wanted to stay on the porch, but when she peered in the window the house looked empty.

They both relaxed into the porch swing by the door. They sat in silence for a moment and then Rayna finally spoke. "I'm sorry about the other night. I know you're with Megan now, and I should respect that."

"Thanks Ray, and I'm sorry I got so mad at you. I guess there were a lot of feelings bottled up that I've been trying not to think about, and they all kind of came spilling out at once."

Rayna glanced at Deacon. She wanted to reach out and take his hand, but she wasn't sure they were ready for that yet. "I'm sorry I hurt you. I hope you know that the last thing I'd ever want to do is cause you pain. I mean that."

"I know you do Ray."

"No matter what our relationship is, you are one of the most important people in my life, and you are the father of my eldest, and I want you to know that I will be there for you in whatever way you want me to, always."

Deacon looked up at her, she could tell that he was getting a little misty, but was trying to keep his emotions under control.

"Thanks Ray, I really appreciate that, and know that the same goes for me with you too."

There declarations hung heavy in the air. Finally Rayna broke the silence.

"Maddie's playing at The Bluebird tonight, she asked me to make sure you're coming."

"Really? You gave in?"

"Well, I think there was going to be a hunger strike if I didn't."

"Just like you with your daddy, nothing was going to stand in your way of playing your first big gig."

Rayna smiled, "Like mother, like daughter. Also like father like daughter, all she's been doing lately is playing those songs that the two of you were working on together."

"Well, she's mighty talented. I think she's going to be bigger than both of us put together, and I'm not just saying that cause I'm her daddy."

"No, of course not," Rayna laughed. "We're totally objective."

"Tell her Megan and I will be there."

Rayna felt a pang in her stomach at the mention of Megan, but quickly tried to hide it.

"Great, see you later?"

"Yeah, see you later."

##

Rayna drove Maddie to The Bluebird, but once they were inside the girl wanted nothing to do with her. She thought she'd go up to the stage with her and show her around, but Maddie kept saying that Rayna was cramping her style. Rayna tried not to be hurt, she knew that one day Maddie would appreciate the fact that the two were starting to share some things in common. She tried to be a good mom and humor her teen, so instead of up by the stage she walked to the back of the bar and situated herself where she had a good view, but few people would notice her.

The one person who did notice her when he walked in was Deacon. The club was unusually packed for an open mic night, but he still managed to pick her out of the crowd. One thing Rayna was glad about was that she didn't see Megan tagging along on his arm. He walked up and settled in beside her against the back wall.

"Hey, you been relegated to the cheap seats?"

"Yep, I guess this is what it means to be the parent of a teenager. Though if you want to sit in the front I'm sure she wouldn't mind. Somehow I think newly acquired fathers rank much higher than annoying moms."

"Nah, I'll hang back here with you. Wouldn't want to kick you when you're down."

Rayna gave him an appreciative smile. She was wondering where Megan was, but also didn't want to introduce the thought of her into their conversation. Finally her curiosity got the best of her.

"No Megan?"

"She's coming later, she got stuck at work."

"Ah, I see."

Just then the announcer came up on stage and started to introduce Maddie. Rayna and Deacon clapped wildly.

"She looks so good up there, doesn't she look so good?" Rayna asked.

"Yeah Ray, she looks great, like she's just where she belongs."

"Old, she looks old. How can we have a daughter who's old enough to be playing here?"

"Maybe cause we've been playing here for over twenty years."

"Don't remind me. It feels like it was just yesterday that I was singing here and you came in and saw me, wrote that song on a napkin."

"Life That's Good."

"Yeah, still one of my favorites."

"Still think of you whenever I play it."

Rayna and Deacon smiled at each other, but then quickly turned to the stage when the music started. Maddie played a slow song that she'd been working on with Deacon. It was a little more complicated than most of the songs she'd been playing, but she handled it with ease.

Rayna looked around the room at all the people enthralled by her daughter and she was so proud that her chest felt like it was about to explode. She looked over at Deacon and noticed that he had a tear running down his face. She knew things were still a little weird between them since the night at the hotel in Houston, but making a connection while watching their daughter play just felt right. She reached out her left hand and gently looped her fingers around the digits on his right. Deacon continued to watch Maddie intently, but grasped Rayna's hand with his own.

"That's our girl up there, we made her," he managed to get out in nothing more than a whisper.

Rayna reached up and wiped the tear away from his cheek running her thumb over the softness of his skin.

"Thanks Ray."

"We couldn't have Maddie thinking her Dad was uncool."

Deacon laughed a little.

As Rayna turned her head back towards Maddie she noticed Megan watching them from the entryway. She wasn't sure if she saw them at first, but she was soon making a beeline for the back of the venue. She reached them just as Maddie's song was ending. Everyone clapped and cheered.

When the clapping died down Megan walked up wrapping her arm through Deacon's. "Hey honey, she was great."

"Thanks, glad you were able to catch it."

Rayna really didn't want her there, but she was trying to hide how much she hated the woman. "Yeah, thanks for coming Megan, glad you could make it even though she's not your daughter."

"Well, I hope one day she'll be my step-daughter."

Deacon gave her kind of an uncomfortable smile. He may have turned Rayna down when she said she wanted to get back together, but the awkwardness of the situation wasn't lost on him.

"Come on, let's go find Maddie." Deacon escorted the women to the front of The Bluebird where he found his daughter.

"Hey Mads, that was so great!"

"Yeah hon that was wonderful."

"Thanks guys, I can't believe I actually played at The Bluebird!"

"Well get used to it," Deacon encouraged. With a reception like that, I'm sure it won't be your last time."

"I met a couple of other musicians singing here tonight, they asked me if I wanted to go out with them after can I go?"

Rayna may have realized that she was growing up, but she certainly wasn't ready to let her out on her own. "You are still too young to be hanging out late with people you don't know, but how about some congratulatory ice cream instead."

Maddie sighed. "Alright, but can I get two scoops?"

"You can even get sprinkles if you'd like." Deacon replied as the four of them walked out the door.


	8. Chapter 8

**This is based on the spoiler that Deacon gets mad at Rayna for pushing Scarlett.**

##

Rayna walked into the studio where the powers that be at Edgehill were subjecting Scarlett to her latest photo session. She'd heard the first one hadn't gone so well, so thought maybe she should be a little more involved in how they were packaging her only artist.

When she got there the hair and make up artists were still primping and playing with Scarlett's blond beehive.

"Hi honey how are things going?"

"Well, hopefully better than the last round, I'm still not sure about these clothes they want me to wear." Scarlett held up a tiny red dress that would have put the ladies totally on display.

"Nonsense, you're going to look great in that. That's a fun dress. Nothing like red to make you feel sexy and strong."

"Well, I'm not so sure I want to feel sexy."

"Scarlett, you can do it, every woman should feel sexy, and what better time to feel sexy than when you're promoting your first album and tour."

Scarlett still looked a bit unsure, but she clearly wanted to please Rayna so she went and put on the dress. She stepped out from behind the screen and presented herself to Rayna.

"Wow, now see, you look just wonderful!"

"You think so?" Scarlett wobbled.

"Definitely, now get out there and have fun with it!"

##

A few hours later Rayna was sitting on the couch flipping through a copy of Country Living when her doorbell rang. She looked at her watch, 7:00 pm. She wasn't expecting anyone, and the girls were with Teddy so it couldn't be anyone for them. When she opened the door she was surprised to find Deacon standing on the other side.

"Hey," she said trying to figure out what he was doing there.

"Hey Ray, can I come in?"

Rayna looked him up and down, she'd knew him well enough and long enough that she could tell he was agitated, but she let him in anyway.

"Of course, come in." She escorted him to the living room where she'd been sitting. "What's wrong Deacon, I can tell something's wrong?"

"What are you doing with Scarlett Ray?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I told her she should be joining your label cause _I thought_ you'd be watching out for her, making it about the music instead of the hype, but she said all you've been doing is pushing her to be someone she's not."

"She said that?"

"Well, not in so many words, but I know that's what she's feeling Rayna."

"All I did was try to encourage her to be fun and sexy."

"By sticking her in a dress made for a hooker?"

All of a sudden Rayna was offended she knew she was trying to support Scarlett and she couldn't believe that Deacon was attacking her for that.

"It was not a dress made for a hooker. It was the spitting image of a dress I wore on the last tour."

"Not everyone can be you Ray. Just because you feel comfortable prancing around in barely nothing on stage, showing off what God gave you to every Tom, Dick, and Harry doesn't mean that she does."

This really wouldn't have bothered her coming from anyone else. She knew who she was and proud of her sex appeal. Rayna wasn't sure why, but for some reason this stung coming from Deacon. "Are you saying that I'm slutty?"

"No, I'm just saying that you have to see the world from someone else's perspective for a change. The whole world doesn't look through Rayna Jaymes colored glasses."

Rayna was getting that old familiar feeling that she should run. It's what she usually did when she got to this point with Deacon, it's what both of them did. In the old days when they were dating any time he was accusing her of being less than perfect she'd distract him from the argument by getting close to him. Heated arguments became some of the most passionate sex they'd ever had.

She remembered once when she was flirting with a radio DJ in order to get her record more play time. She hadn't really been trying to hide it, but Deacon had noticed and been irate. He pulled her into the back of the tour bus while the rest of the band was dealing with the gear. Rayna knew she was in the wrong, no matter what the reason she shouldn't have been flirting with some other guy, but instead of admitting she was wrong and apologizing she got defensive. When Deacon backed her into a corner in terms of what she'd done she backed him into a literal corner then pushed him onto the bed straddling him as she tore all of the buttons off his shirt. Deacon flipped her over pouring all of his anger and frustration into ravishing every inch of her body, making sure that she knew that she was his and his alone. By the time they were done they would lay in bed wrapped up in each other, all memories of the fight obliterated by their lovemaking.

After they broke up and she couldn't use sex to distract him anymore she'd simply run away. When they'd gotten into an argument at the studio over Juliette giving him a guitar she'd grabbed her bag and ran out the door with him yelling after her. She thought about doing that now, getting defensive, pushing him out the door, but she remembered what Tandy had said about accepting all of him, including his temper. She realized maybe she hadn't been dealing with his temper in the best possible way all these years. The passionate lovemaking was great and all, but talking calmly might be a better way to show someone that you love and understand them.

"Maybe you're right."

This approach took Deacon totally by surprise. "What?"

"Maybe I haven't been looking at Scarlett as Scarlett, but as what I would have done at that age. It's just I think she's wonderful, and I want her to be able to reach the heights that I did. I hear you Deacon, I really do."

Deacon was shocked by Rayna's change in demeanor. He was a little startled, but was glad that she was seeing things his way for once. "That's good Ray, so what are we going to do to fix it?"

"We?"

"What? You think I'm going to let you do this without me anymore?"

Rayna flashed him a smile, "Oh, so are you suddenly part of my label?"

Deacon smiled back at her, "Well, as far as my niece is concerned…"

"Okay, let's agree to work together to get the best out of Scarlett and make sure her career goes in a direction that's best for everyone. Deal?"

"Yeah, that's a deal. I'm glad you can admit when you're been wrong Ray."

"I'm glad you didn't yell at me and storm off."

"Guess we're growing."

"Guess we are."

They both stood and smiled at each other for a moment. Rayna could tell that they both felt that pull between them, that need to be close to one another. She took a step forward towards Deacon and just as she did his phone rang. He looked down at the caller ID.

"It's Megan."

Rayna sighed. "Take it."

Deacon hesitated for a moment and then picked up the phone. "Hey Darlin'. Yep, I'll be home soon. Let's do Chinese." Deacon hung up the phone. He looked a little sheepishly at Rayna. "I gotta go. Talk to you soon though?"

Rayna felt more than a pang of jealousy, an unyielding sadness consumed her body, but she pulled herself together as she showed Deacon to the door. "Yeah, talk to you soon."


	9. Chapter 9

**Somehow this chapter got super long. I actually wrote it before I wrote chapter 8, but decided I needed an in between chapter.**

**##**

Tandy and Rayna pulled into the VIP section for performing artists at Riverfront Park.

"Where are the girls?"

"They're with Teddy this week."

"I thought it was your week?"

"It was, but we switched. Teddy wanted them with him for this Music City Music Festival he's started."

"Isn't that title redundant?"

"Yeah, but that's what happens when you let a guy who knows nothing about music name a music festival."

The sisters both shared a good laugh.

"Ever since he married Peggy he wants to project the image that he's this perfect blended family. Two daughters and one little one on the way."

Tandy smirked, "Except one of the daughters isn't his, and his wife is crazy."

"Well don't let Daphne hear you say that, she just adores Peggy."

"Daphne's a sweetheart, she adores everyone so that doesn't mean anything. When are you performing?"

"Not until tomorrow, I'm supposed to do that duet that Luke and I wrote together, but now that we're on the outs we'll see. Scarlett is singing today so I came by to oversee the performance. "

"Is she still your only artist? You really need to find at least one or two more."

"Well, I might have another artist, and be able to break away from Edgehill all at once."

"What other artist?"

"Juliette."

"What? Did you just say Juliette? The girl you once referred to as Miss Sparkly Pants? She's leaving Edgehill to join your label?"

"Well, it would be more of a joint label since she'd be bringing a big part of the funding."

"I know she has a lot of money, but where is she getting $40 million to buy out both her's and your contracts?"

"That rich boyfriend of hers, Charlie Wentworth."

"I thought he was married?"

"He is, but he's getting a divorce. Apparently Miss Sparkly Pants has something special in there that men just can't resist."

"You should ask Deacon, didn't he sleep with her?"

"Don't remind me. Sharing a record label is one thing, sharing a man I don't even want to think about."

Rayna and Tandy made their way to the stage where Scarlett was performing.

When they got there Rayna spotted Deacon and Megan standing by the side talking to Scarlett. She hesitated for a second before going up to them to collect herself. She had no reason to dislike Megan, she was a perfectly lovely woman, but Rayna hated her all the same.

"Hi there, you ready for your number?"

"Yes Ma'am. This isn't going to be a repeat of Houston. I'm feeling pretty good, and I've got my family here just in case." Scarlett motioned towards Deacon.

"Well, I for one can't wait to hear you sing Scarlett," Megan interjected.

Rayna gave her a weak smile hoping to hide her distaste.

As Scarlett went out on stage and began to play Rayna and Tandy settled near the side of the stage, and Deacon and Megan out front.

All of a sudden they heard a commotion going on by the carnival rides on the other side of the lawn. Tandy stopped a twenty-something man who was running through the crowd.

"What's going on over there?"

"The EMTs are there. Some teenagers were fooling around on the ferris wheel and two of the girls fell off. One of them is unconscious."

"How awful," Rayna replied. "There needs to be more security at these things."

All of a sudden Peggy came running over to Rayna waving frantically.

"Oh man, what does she want," Rayna whispered to Tandy as she approached.

"Rayna, it's Maddie. She's been in an accident!"

"What?!"

"She was fooling around with some boys from her school and she fell. They're taking her to the hospital. Teddy's with her."

"Oh my god." Rayna ran down the steps to the front of the stage and grabbed Deacon. "Deacon! Maddie's been hurt."

"What?! Where? How?"

"I don't know, she fell off of the damn ferris wheel, they're taking her to the hospital."

Rayna rushed to her car with Peggy, Deacon, and Megan in tow. Tandy stayed behind to watch a crying Daphne who had been following Peggy.

Deacon turned to Rayna. "Megan brought her car so we'll meet you at the hospital."

When the entourage reached Vanderbilt Teddy was in the waiting room, and Rayna rushed up to him.

"Is she okay? Why do these things always happen when she's under your watch?"

"She's a teenager Rayna, I can't watch her every minute. She has three parents I'm not the only one responsible here."

Rayna started to yell something else at Teddy, but Deacon came up behind her and placed his hands on her arms rubbing them up and down to calm her.

"Hey, it's gonna be okay. We're not helping her by getting mad at each other."

Despite the terrible circumstances Rayna thought how good it felt to have Deacon touching her. She relaxed right away then turned her head to thank him. "You're right, I'm sorry. I'm just scared."

"I know, we all are."

A few minutes later the doctor came out from the ICU. "Maddie Conrad's parents?"

Rayna, Deacon and Teddy stepped forward. "That would be us," Rayna said.

"She suffered a mighty fall and really bumped her head, but she's going to be alright."

"Oh, thank god." Rayna relaxed back into Deacon who had been standing behind her.

"We just need to keep her overnight for observation. Just to make sure we haven't missed anything."

"Alright, can we see her?"

"Just for 5 minutes, and she's still not completely stable so only her real parents." The doctor said noticing the proliferation of parents hanging out in the waiting room.

The rest of you can see her when you come back at 7:00 in the morning."

"I'm not leaving my baby," Rayna objected.

"I understand, but there's nothing for you to do here. She's going to be fine. You'll be a better help to her tomorrow if you get some sleep tonight."

Rayna reluctantly agreed.

Rayna, Deacon, and Teddy stepped forward to enter Maddie's room.

"Just the real father," the doctor repeated. "Which one is that?

"I'm her father," Deacon said.

"No, I'm her father," Teddy said more forcefully.

The doctor looked a little exasperated. "Alright let's try it this way, only the biological parents can go in."

Deacon gave Teddy a snide smile and followed Rayna into the room. Teddy grumbled something under his breath, then sat back down with Peggy in the waiting room.

The doctor walked Rayna and Deacon into Maddie's room. "Your parents are here."

Rayna noticed she looked really small sitting in the big bed and it scared her. It reminded her of when Maddie was a little girl and she'd gotten her tonsils out and had to stay in the hospital overnight.

"Hey sweetheart."

"Hey guys, you don't have to worry about me, I'm okay."

"Good," Rayna said. "Then I can just be mad. "What in the hell were doing up there with the boys Maddie? You have to be more careful."

"I know mom, I was just fooling around, and then the car started to swing out of control and Brian couldn't get it to stop. It was an accident."

"You could have died! You could be paralyzed right now. You know how it would change your life to be paralyzed?"

"Calm down Ray, she's ok. She knows she messed up and she's not going to do it again? Right?" Deacon said.

"Right," Maddie replied.

Rayna was still a little agitated, and Deacon tried to calm her. "Why don't you go out in the waiting room and I'll meet you out there. I just want a minute alone with Maddie if that's alright?"

Rayna looked at the two of them. She didn't want to leave her daughter, but she knew it was important for Deacon and Maddie to have their own bond. "Alright, but I'll be back here first thing tomorrow morning to see you ok, and we're going to discuss this when you get home."

Once Rayna left Maddie turned to Deacon, "Why does she have to be like that? It was just an accident. I'm not a baby I know what I'm doing."

"I know you're not, and so does she. She's just scared cause she's your mamma and she loves you. I was scared too."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." Deacon smiled at Maddie.

"I wish you were always around Deacon."

"I am always around."

"I mean I wished we all lived together."

"Oh, I see."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure, ask me anything."

"Do you still love mom?"

Deacon thought a minute before answering. "I will always love your mamma. She's a special lady."

"Then why can't you guys be together?"

"I thought you liked Megan?"

"I do, I mean, she's fine, but she's not mom."

"No, she's not." Deacon took Maddie's hand in his own. "Let's talk about this when you're all better okay?"

"Okay."

"Your mamma and I will see you in the morning, oh, and you should know that Teddy wanted to come in and see you too, but they were only letting biological parents in."

Maddie smiled back at him. "Goodnight Deacon."

"Goodnight Darlin'."

Back out in the waiting room Peggy approached Teddy running her hand down his back, "Come on, let's go home. We can be back at 7:00."

Megan walked up to Deacon and wrapped her arm through his. "We should probably be heading home too."

"Actually Megan, I'm going to make sure that Rayna gets home ok. I'll call you tomorrow."

Megan was a little taken aback, but there was really nothing she could say in this situation. She let go of Deacon's arm and headed towards the door. "Call me if you need anything."

Deacon walked back to Rayna. He took her hand. "Come on, let's get out of here." Rayna was reluctant to leave, but Deacon managed to coax her to the car.

##

Deacon drove the SUV back to Rayna's house since she was still shaking like a leaf. She called Tandy while he drove to giver her a report on Maddie. She told Rayna that Daphne had passed out on her couch after eating a whole bowl of popcorn and a chocolate bar.

Once inside the house Deacon placed the keys down on the table and pulled Rayna into his arms stroking her hair gently. "Come here, it's going to be okay. The doctor said she'll be fine."

Rayna looked up at Deacon. "I know, I just… you think you're doing your best to keep your kids safe, and then something like this happens."

Deacon kissed Rayna on the forehead, swirling his fingers lightly over the light cotton fabric on her back. "You must be starving, have you eaten?"

"I guess I am kind of hungry."

"Why don't you go in the bedroom and change into your pajamas and I'll whip something up, okay?"

"Sure, that sounds great."

Rayna went into her bedroom stripping off her jeans and blouse. She pulled a tank top and shorts out of her drawer and threw them on. By the time she made it back out to the kitchen Deacon was by the stove cracking eggs into a pan.

"I hope scrambled eggs will do, I didn't see much else in the fridge."

Rayna smiled and laughed. "Eggs are just perfect."

She continued to stare at him until he sensed he was being watched. "What?"

"Nothing, I just like a man who knows how to cook eggs."

"Well these are my special eggs. You're never going to want another man's eggs after you have these," Deacon joked.

"I already don't," she replied.

Deacon looked over at her sensing her double meaning and quickly scooped the finished eggs onto two plates. Then he grabbed forks and sat down next to her while they ate. Her heart was racing a bit too quickly at the proximity of their bodies, and she tried her hardest to concentrate on the food. After they finished Deacon gathered the dishes and piled them in the sink, then he walked over to Rayna and moved a piece of hair out from in front of her face.

"You look exhausted. You should get some sleep." He took her hand leading her to her bedroom. When he reached the bed he pulled back the covers and motioned for her to get in. Rayna obeyed slipping between the cool sheets and her down comforter. It felt good to be in her bed after the day she had. It felt even better to be there with Deacon. He leaned over kissing the top of her head.

"I'll bunk on the couch."

As he turned to go Rayna grabbed his arm pulling him lightly back towards the bed. Deacon paused for a moment staring at her magenta manicured fingers clutched around his forearm. Rayna could tell that the wheels were turning in his head, and she wasn't sure how this was going to end. Then all of a sudden he looked back at her pleading eyes and nodded. Rayna let go of his arm as he unbuttoned the black shirt and slipped his boots and jeans off. He lay them on the chair in the corner, then once again he pulled back the down comforter and slid into the sheets next to Rayna. He reached out for her, pulling her body into his arms and against his bare chest. Rayna had only wanted the comfort of having him there, she was trying not to think of him in a sexual way tonight, but the physical contact was almost too much for her to handle after all this time, and her whole body ached with need as she tangled her legs up with his. She took a deep breath and tried not to think about how much she wanted him.

"Goodnight Deacon, thanks for being here."

"Goodnight Ray."

##

Blackness was still enveloping the room when Rayna was startled awake by the sound of someone softly crying. For a moment she didn't know what was going on. She batted open her weary eyes and looked at the clock. It read 3:30am. Then she turned over and realized the crying was coming from the man lying beside her.

"Hey, are you ok?"

"Sorry Ray, I didn't mean to wake you."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, it's just…I was so scared tonight. I have never loved anyone or anything the way that I love Maddie, and I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost her."

Rayna rolled over pulling him into her arms the way he had done with her before they'd gone to sleep. He buried his head in her chest as she slowly stroked his hair.

"Weren't you the one who said she was going to be fine and we shouldn't worry?"

"Yeah, and I meant it, but… I've never had feelings this strong before Rayna...except maybe for you. If I'm being honest with you, when we were in the hospital, and were waiting for the doctor to tell us what was up with Maddie's condition I really wanted a drink Ray."

Rayna sat in silence for a moment. She wasn't sure what to say. She wanted to be supportive, but she also knew she wasn't allowed to coddle his addiction anymore.

"Do you still want one now?"

"Kind of."

"I'm not going to stop you from doing what you want to do Deacon, but I'll be here with you as long as you need me too."

"Thanks Ray."

"Do you want to go get a drink?"

"No, I want to be here with you, I want to be sober tomorrow when we see our daughter."

Rayna breathed a sigh of relief, "Good."

"I'm just a little shaky that's all."

Rayna slid out from under Deacon and walked around to his side of the bed. Then she reached out her hand to him.

"Come on."

"Where are we going?"

"Remember what used to calm you when you had those cravings?"

Rayna grabbed Deacon's hand and led him into the bathroom. He'd never been in her bathroom before. When they were dating they'd always stayed at his house due to the girls. There was a large stone shower in the corner of the room surrounded by glass. He watched her as she walked over and turned on the hot water steaming up the room. Then she stepped out from behind the glass removing her tank top and shorts. Deacon stood there motionless just watching the way she was moving.

Rayna walked over to him. She hooked her fingers in the waistband of his boxers and pushed them to the floor, then she once again took his hand and led him into the shower. She shut the door behind them and angled the showerhead so it was pouring down on his head and back. Rayna reached her hands up running her fingers through his hair as the hot water streamed over his shoulders and down onto his chest. She got secret enjoyment as she looked down and realized how excited he was to be that close to her, but she'd been with enough men to know that could just be an involuntary reaction to the water and the close proximity of any naked woman. She began to step away to reach the soap when Deacon stopped her. She looked at him in surprise, not sure of what he was intending. Without saying a word he ran his hands down her back landing on her ass. Rayna really had only thought of the shower as a way to distract him from the drinking and of the day's events with Maddie, but the moment his hands came to rest all she wanted was to be closer. She looked up into his eyes and could see the dark desire that she felt through every inch of her body reflected back at her. He pulled her towards him until she felt him hard against her stomach. She wanted him so badly, but she wanted him to make the first move, to take her in the way she'd been dreaming about for months. Deacon slid one hand up into her hair, then he pulled her head towards his so their foreheads were pressed together and Rayna couldn't tell where her breaths ended and his began.

They stood there like that for what seemed like hours to Rayna, but was probably only a handful of seconds before Deacon tilted her head pulling it to his as his mouth came crashing down on hers. And then there was no stopping them. Hands and lips and slick skin were everywhere. Deacon pushed her back against the wall of the shower lifting her up so she could wrap her legs around his waist. He moaned into her mouth as she squeezed him between her thighs before lessening her grip so he had room to enter her. The moment they were joined together a wave of relief and ecstasy reverberated through Rayna's body. It felt so good to be close to him, to know for at least this moment he was hers. Deacon pulled her close burying his head in her wet strands. "Oh my sweet baby, my love," he said breathlessly.

It felt so good to hear him call her baby again, she hadn't even realized how much she'd missed it until that very moment. "I love you so much Deacon," Rayna mumbled into his neck before running her nails down his back. The intensity of the contact spurred Deacon on causing his thrusts to become deeper and more forceful.

Just when she was about to reach her climax Deacon stopped thrusting and pulled out. Rayna made a cry of protest and Deacon looked down at her smiling. He eased her back to her feet and then turned her around so her back was to him and her hands were pressed against the steamed up walls of the shower. Then he eased himself back inside of her. The new angle was even more delicious than the last and it wasn't long before Rayna was screaming out Deacon's name, and he was pulling her hard against him as he came.

They stood there for a moment, not wanting to break the contact. Rayna reached around pulling Deacon's head towards hers so they could share a slow and tender kiss. When they parted he swept her up into his arms and carried her back to the bedroom grabbing a towel as he exited.

Deacon lay her on the bed then towel dried her hair and body following the path of the towel with tender kisses. Rayna was in total bliss and then suddenly she felt guilty when she realized that she hadn't thought about Maddie since they'd entered the shower. Right away Deacon sensed her discomfort.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know, this is wonderful, but I guess something feels wrong about making love like this when our daughter is in a hospital bed."

"Do you want me to go?"

"No, I want you to hold me all night long, and never let me go. I just wish it was under better circumstances."

Deacon brushed the hair out of Rayna's eyes. "Maddie would be happy that we're here together."

"Yeah, you're probably right. Are _you_ happy?" Rayna asked.

"Yeah, I'm happy."

"Good." Rayna lay back in the bed and Deacon rested his head on her chest while she played with his hair. They lay that way for a while until Rayna broke the silence.

"Maybe we should have another baby."

Deacon began to laugh. "You're joking right, a baby?"

"I don't know, I guess I'm joking, but not totally."

He turned his head so that he could look up at her face. "Ray, we're not even really back together."

"I know, but I'm not getting any younger, and I thought you wanted another child?"

Deacon rolled on top of her holding her arms against the bed. "Tonight we should just be thinking about the one child we do have okay?"

Rayna's body stilled at his contact. "Yeah, you're right, I'm sorry. I'm just being silly. I think nearly losing Maddie today has just frazzled all of my nerves and sent me a little over the edge."

Deacon smiled a devious smile at her, "well let me calm some of those nerves."

He reached down kissing her softly, then almost immediately deepened the kiss. After a moment he pulled back to look at her. "I love you Ray, never doubt that, but I think we need to get through this situation with Maddie first and figure stuff out with us, then we can discuss any future family we might want to have. Is that good?"

Rayna smiled back adoringly, "Yeah, that's good."


	10. Chapter 10

**Thanks for all the reviews guys. Glad everyone liked the last chapter. I really enjoyed this week's episode. The Deacon/Maddie/Rayna family scene at The Bluebird made me swoon.**

##

A couple of days after the accident Deacon was practicing a song on his slide guitar when Megan appeared at his door. She stood in the doorway hovering a bit until he noticed her there.

"Hey," she said gingerly.

"Hey, didn't see you there, come in."

Megan pushed through the screen door and walked in positioning herself by the edge of the piano.

"I thought you were going to call me on Sunday to let me know everything was ok?"

"Yeah, I'm real sorry Megan it was just a crazy couple of days. We brought Maddie home on Sunday afternoon, then we sat up with her Sunday night just watching to make sure that she was ok. It was a mad house at Ray's with me and Ray and Tandy and Teddy and Peggy."

"Well, I could have been there too. I mean, I would have liked to have been there."

Deacon gave her a half smile, "Why don't you come sit down."

Deacon moved the slide guitar to the side as Megan joined him on the couch.

"Listen, I've been thinking about that. I know that you wanted to be there, and I appreciate that, I really do, but I just didn't think that was such a good idea."

"Why not? Peggy was there wasn't she?"

"Yeah, but Peggy is Teddy's wife, and he's not a newly acquired parent who she's trying to build a relationship with. I've really been thinking about what's important to me lately, what I should be focusing my life on, and there's nothing more important than building a relationship with my daughter."

"I know that Deacon, and I'm fully supportive of that. Whatever you need to do." Megan placed her hand on top of Deacons and felt a slight sickening in her stomach when he pulled it away."

"I adore you Megan, I really do. Without you I'd probably still be sitting in a jail cell with my arm in a cast."

"That's not true, you know that."

"Well, maybe not, but you definitely have helped me get to the place where I _can_ be a father, and be the father that Maddie deserves, not a drunken loser feeling sorry for himself. I feel really good about where I'm heading these days, and you've helped me get there in a big way…"

"But…"

"But I think our relationship is a distraction from the time I need to be spending with Maddie. I just can't be involved with you right now. I hope you understand that?"

Megan deflated a bit. "I do, I can't say that I'm not disappointed Deacon. I thought this was going well?"

"It was, it is, but just cause something is going well doesn't mean it's the right thing for me at this point in my life. If there's anything I've ever learned about relationships is it's all about timing. Maybe if we'd met 5 years ago when I had less ties things would have been different, but…"

"Yeah, I get it." Megan stood up and moved towards the bedroom. "I'll grab my stuff."

Deacon turned to her as she was collecting her things. "Megan…thanks for understanding."

She looked back at him with a sad smile, "no problem."

##

Rayna was sitting by the piano humming a new tune she was writing when Deacon walked in through the back door.

"Hey Ray."

"Hey Babe."

She started to get up to greet him, but he held up his hand, "Don't get up, I don't want to interrupt your creative process."

Deacon walked over to the piano and sat down on the bench next to Rayna. She reached up cupping his face with her hands and gave him a kiss that said why haven't you been in my arms the last 24 hours.

"Mmm, I've missed you."

"Yeah?" Deacon asked in his soft and sexy voice.

"Yeah." Rayna cooed in return.

"Is Maddie here?"

"Nope, she finally went back to school today. She couldn't wait, now she's got this great story about how she almost died. She's the most popular girl in school."

"Let's hope that's a one time experience. We need to teach her there are easier ways to become popular."

"How was your day?"

"Alright I guess. I broke up with Megan."

"How'd she take it?"

"Not bad, she's a tough woman."

"I bet she's hating my guts right now?"

"Actually Ray, I didn't tell her about us."

"Really? Why not? I mean, she's going to find out soon enough, we're both public figures."

"Yeah, about that. "

A look of worry crossed Rayna's face, "Uh, oh, I don't like the sound of that."

"I told Megan that I was breaking up with her because I wanted to concentrate on my relationship with Maddie, that Maddie needed to come first right now."

"Well, that's fine. I mean, Maddie and Daph always come first with me."

"I know, which is why we really have to give this some thought before we jump into anything."

"What are you saying? Are you saying that you don't think we should be together?"

"No, I'm not saying that at all," Rayna breathed a sigh of relief. "I'm just saying that this is different this time. We're not the people we were the first time we were together, or even the second time. We share a daughter, a daughter who had to already watch her parents split up when you and Teddy divorced. I want to make sure that never happens again. That she never has to suffer through seeing her parents' relationship fall apart."

"So you're saying you think we'd split up if we get back together?"

"No, I'm saying the opposite. If we get back together we have to be sure that it's for good. No running when things get tough, no splitting up. If we do this Rayna it's me and you till the end, cause there ain't any way I'm busting up our family. I wouldn't do that to Maddie, and I wouldn't do it to Daphne either. There'll be no taking it slow, no seeing how things go. If we're going to do this we're all in and we're all in forever."

Rayna swallowed hard, then got quiet. She knew she loved Deacon more than anything, but she also knew that their relationship had always been tumultuous. She wanted to commit to spending the rest of her life with him no matter what, but could she do it that second without a moment's hesitation? She wasn't so sure about that. "I love you Deacon, and of course I want to spend my life with you, but don't you think we have some issues to work out first before we can say forever? Plus forever is never certain. I thought I was going to be forever with Teddy and look how that ended."

Deacon gave her a look that said he didn't believe her for a second. "Seriously Ray? There is no way you thought you were going to be with Teddy forever. I mean, hell, you kept my engagement ring the whole time you were married to him. If that doesn't say I'm not in this for the long hall I don't know what does."

Rayna laughed a little. "I guess you're right. I think I spent so many years lying to myself that I don't know what's the truth anymore when it comes to that marriage. But I am right about nothing being 100% certain."

"I know that Ray, but we need to go into it thinking we're 100% certain. I love you, but you have a tendency to bail when things get rough."

"Now that's not fair. You were a real mess back then."

Deacon cut her off, "And this last time?"

Rayna wasn't sure what to say, she knew she hadn't reacted well when she got out of the coma. She'd come to terms with the mistakes that she'd made, that they'd both made. She loved him and she didn't want to lose him, but she wasn't sure what the right thing to say here would be. She reached up and started playing with the fabric of his collar, running the soft cotton back and forth between her thumb and forefinger. Then she looked up into his eyes. "I love you Deacon, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make us work if you are too. That's a promise."

Deacon placed his hands on her face. "I love you too and I'm ready to say forever right here, right now, but if you're not at that point yet I think we should wait." He placed a soft kiss on her lips. Rayna hungered for more, but she knew if she deepened their physical connection she'd lose all sense of what was logical. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think we should wait. I think maybe we need to spend a little more time learning to trust each other again."

Deacon nodded his head, "I can do that."

"So does that mean no making love?"

"Yep, no making love, no kissing, no nothing."

Rayna tugged playfully at his belt buckle and gave him a sly smile, "I don't know if I can handle that. Maybe if you gave me something to remember you by?"

Deacon gave her his most charming smile back in return. "Like a last feast before the famine?"

"Yeah, something like that."

"We could do that."

Deacon slipped his hands from her face and tangled them in her hair, then he pulled her face close pressing his lips against hers. When he felt her mouth part he slipped his tongue in quickly searching for hers. The electricity between them was palpable and both wondered how they were ever going to deny themselves this for any amount of time. He shifted her body so she was sitting on the keys of the piano, then slowly removed her panties from beneath her skirt as he left kisses along her inner thighs. Rayna let out a moan when his mouth made contact with her core. She reached down running her fingers through his hair throwing her head back in ecstasy until she almost couldn't take it anymore. Just when she was reaching her peak Deacon pulled back unbuttoning his jeans, releasing himself from the confines of his boxers, then he pushed her back against the keys making a musical cacophony that contrasted with the beautiful music they were making together.

"We're going to ruin this piano," Rayna said breathlessly, desperately pulling him into her as far as he could go.

"I'll buy you another one," Deacon growled into her ear.

"Take me to the bedroom," Rayna got out between kisses.

Deacon obliged skillfully lifting her off of the piano, legs still wrapped tightly around his waist and carried her to the bedroom where for the next two hours he showed her just what she'd be missing.


End file.
